The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude i'm inner monologue high
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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