you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
