You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
