Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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