someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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