Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize