Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
