I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
