She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
