4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
