I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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