On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
a search helicopter?!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
