My hand turned me down
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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