I cannot find my penis.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
