your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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