remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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