i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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