You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
