Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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