5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
