We're facebook friends in real life
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
