alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
