I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
