I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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