Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
