Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I looked at my own cervix.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
