So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was like giving head to a cactus.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
