you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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