I like to think it a success when the cops are called
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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