i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
