when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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