I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize