You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
