Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
