oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
