We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm bleeding and have questions
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
