Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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