Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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