hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Plan B is the new Plan A
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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