We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
