check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
