guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
