Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize