i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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