u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
