I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
