So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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