You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
