Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
