she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
