I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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