wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
