I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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