Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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