moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
