fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
