Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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