12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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