im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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