and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
