So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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