Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
