after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
