my vag is so smooth its legendary
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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