Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
